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There is a little St. Phydo in every church, and a little of every church in St. Phydo's. We love our St. Phydo by the Pound and we hope you do too.


St. Phydo
By the Pound
 
 

A member church of
American Religious Federation
World Order Of Faith

(A Division of General Religion)


Who Was St. Phydo?

St. Phydo, born in the early ninth century, was a citizen of the largest city in what is now Lesser Slovonia, and the modern version of his name is actually a contraction of his full name, Phyrohydrantos. Son of a rich and powerful family, in his youth Phydo indulged in every sort of idol worship and drunken excess.

His pagan youth culminated in an orgy so revolting that on his way home, every dog in his path attacked him, and Phyrohydrantos nearly died. During his long recovery, he was converted to Christianity. Since dogs had been the instrument of his conversion, Phydo became their protector, building shelters for them and nursing those who were sick or injured back to health. Indeed, pious owners began naming their dogs after him while he was still alive.

Upon his death, a simple monument was erected above his grave. A vertical cylinder topped with a small dome, it had cylinders protruding from its side, and is known today as the Cross of St. Phydo. In keeping with his humility of spirit, it was not elevated on a plinth, but placed at ground level. Upon its base was inscribed "Phyrohydrantos," with the P-P-P symbol we now know so well.

Shortly after his death, dog owners who came to pay reverence to his memory noticed that old and ailing dogs, even those who suffered from extreme blockage of the urinary tract, were instantly restored to perfect health. The many witnesses to these healing powers barked and whined at the Pope, Avecanem I, until Phyrohydrantos was canonized as St. Phydo.

St. Phydo remains a powerful and pervasive presence in towns and cities everywhere. Although his name no longer appears on them, replicas of his tombstone are to be found on every block, and all dogs, if permitted to do so, still pay him reverence.
 

The Phlikolarion

The Saint is usually pictured wearing the Phlikolarion, the forerunner of today's clerical "dog collar." The Phlikolarion was originally worn to ward off evil spirits, but the collar was Christianized by the learned Repelenz of Hartz, and first reported in the Pestarion of Demetrios of Ra'id.
 

The Cross of St. Phydo

The Cross of St. Phydo is easily recognized wherever it is found. Although, as noted in the biography of St. Phydo, these crosses are most often found in cities and towns, occasionally a rural wayfarer will find one, a truly memorable experience!


PROGRAMS

As Our Lord said in the Platitudes: "Blessed are the weak in spirit for they shall be all things to all people"

Error Advocacy - from Sin to Sincerity in one easy step. The dependable full-service program for the morally challenged.

Snakes Alive! - Pet handling, care and grooming with Charisma®

Whip-It-Up - Regularly scheduled Sado-Masses for the truly repentant.

ExerJesus - Aerobics with Soul.

The Godfathers - Individualized solutions to private problems. No confessions!

Promise Benders - Take a stand for valueless families!

Stone Casters - Learn to point the finger. Groups meet daily.

Join one of our dynamic, timely programs today! Our members are people just like you.

Dial now. Operators are standing by!


PRODUCTS

Visit the St. Phydo Shoppe for a tasteful selection of products designed to bring your religion home with you!
Indulgences for the indulgent - Reasonable rates, complete confidentiality. Discounts for two or more sins.

Happy-Clappy CDs, Cassettes, & Videos. JOY for your Birthdays, Divorces, Funerals, and Vacations with The Best of the Glossolaliacs - available in 48 different tongues.

J.C. Masterpiece Barbecue Sauce - add a little zip to your backyard auto-da-fé.

Stigmata Body Piercing Service - Countless lives have been changed!

St. Phydo T-Shirts in day-glo liturgical colors. Beefy scent, too!

"The Lay of St. Phydo" - A shocking book of revelations, with truth stripped to the bone. Get to know St. Phydo, one of the faith's most dogged persuaders, who got his teeth into the very flesh and blood of the matter! Also available on videocassette: "The Youth of St. Phydo" - Siskel & Ebert give it two fingers up, rated X. What exactly did St. Phydo do before he became a Christian? Glorious color and sound.

Relics ~ Relics ~ Relics! All Real, All Guaranteed! And all magnetized to adhere eternally to your refrigerator!
 


PILGRIMAGE
Travel, Recreation, Activities for That Burnt-Out Feeling.
Everybody Needs a Little P-P-P!

From Here to Eternity Travel Service - choose from the finest:

Dante's Guided Tours Travel now, pay forever!

Divine Grace Line Cruises for the Select Elect

- and exclusively our own

St. Christopher Air Charter Holidays

Every time you take off on a St. Christopher trip, you'll pray as you've never prayed before!

Our Luxury Retreat and Pilgrimage programs are available in 3-day, 7-day, and everlasting formats. Call today!



Way-of-the-Cross Mini-Golf

Putt through the eye of the needle,
Avoid the bottomless pit,
Drive over the fiery furnace.
Fourteen holes of family fun!


Blessed Phydo, We Walk with Thee

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