The Chicken Band. "Oh girls, I'm so excited, I telephoned Cousin Ethelfrida in California, you remember she bailed us out after that unfortunate Rose Bowl incident? and I told her about Frusnelda's inspiration, that we should bring our unique musical talents to television, and she was just overcome, she could hardly speak for several minutes, but she says she'll fly in this week, no, Hermengilda, on an airplane like a civilized chicken, and Cousin Mechtilda is volunteering her services to handle sound equipment, although I did warn her that "dynamite sound" does not include actual dynamite, but in the meantime we must address ourselves to repertory, yes, Peka, we'll certainly include 'Take the Egg Train', and girls, we all need to lose a little weight, you know what they say about the camera adding pounds ..."
The Chicken Band. "Well, girls, Cousin Ethelfrida just
called, and she won't be able to fly in here to help out on our
television debut, but we discussed strategy at length, and she feels
that it's necessary to begin with a special, a show for the Christmas
season, with music and comedy and possibly a celebrity guest star,
and I pointed out to her that we already
are celebrities, and I
won't dignify her answer by repeating it, but all the same she has
a point, and I'd like some suggestions about guest stars, yes, Peka, oh,
the dishy Titanic stud? well, he might be a trifle expensive,
being so popular, but good heavens, what's a telephone for if we
can't just call someone? Now, let's run through "One o'Cluck Rock,"
and Hermengilda, let's see some
rockin' hip action there, and six
seven eight ..."
The Chicken Band. "Oh, girls, pay attention now, I met a gentleman at Larry & Mona's (oo, he's so foxy!), and it seems he's been intimately involved with television production for years, and he was so struck with my scenario for our special, just speechless, I mean he actually went pale and clutched the table, and when he'd recovered he said he couldn't wait to hear us doing one of our signature tunes, what do you think, girls, perhaps Cheap Chopped Chicken Feather Rag? and here he comes, oh girls, I'd like you to meet Mr. Red Renard, Peka, not now, dear, do excuse her, Mr. Renard, it's just her way of handling stress, and we seem to have had a lot of that lately ..."
The Chicken Band. "Well, girls, Red Renard and I had an extensive
pre-production discussion over corn pancakes, he says as a power breakfast
it will wow those West Coast celebrities, they're all sick to death
of yogurt and underripe fruit, where was I, oh yes, he was diplomatic
but he agrees with me that we all need to shed a few grams if we're
to look our best for the cameras, so corn pancakes, alas, will have
go, and Hermengilda, do you think you could learn to like yogurt,
Hermengilda, language like that does not belong in a civilized group,
oh dear, I hope that the rigors of the show business lifestyle won't
interfere with our esprit de corn ..."
The Chicken Band. "Good morning, girls, time for our first
post-Christmas rehearsal, how is everyone feeling after the holiday, I
will admit I cheated a little on my diet, those corn fritters with
syrup, yum, but Frusnelda, what's this I hear about you getting
through six plates of corn pancakes, and Hermengilda, platters of
corn pone with butter are no help to your diet either, and
Etheldreda, I saw you squeezing into that tuba, when you can't fit
into a tuba you know you're in trouble, let's face it, girls, it's
yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, if we're going to be a smash hit on television,
what do you mean you're going on strike? Girls, girls, oh
dear, I feel faint ... "
The Chicken Band. "Oh, girls, I don't have the heart
to put you on a diet of yogurt and unripe fruit, after all, we want to
keep the zip in our step, and the heck with the cameras,
we'll just be the Chubby Chicken Band and if the producer doesn't like
it he can ... oh, Hermengilda, have you seen him in the last day or two,
I don't know where he's gotten to, he may be
but Red Renard is a little too elusive for my taste, Frusnelda,
go on over to Larry and Mona's and see if he's doing that Power English
muffin thing again, and while we wait, girls, let's have a little run through
Cluckin' at them Pearly Gates, and one, two..."
The Chicken Band. "Oh, I should have known it was too good to be true, that scoundrel who passed himself off as Red Renard was that villain Reynard Fox, how could I have fallen for those sunglasses, and the silk jacket, and the pocket phone, and the Porsche, and the Power English Muffin thing, and the handkissing, and, and, oh, I'm so ashamed, and all that money we chipped in for production costs, he forged my chicken scratches on a check and it's all gone, every penny, and to think his face is posted in every chicken postoffice in the country, oh, I'm too dispirited to lead you, Hermengilda, will you take over, just for a little while, I need to roost and meditate and try to find some meaning in all this ..."
The Chicken Band. "Well, girls, I've meditated my tailfeathers
off, and it's clear to me now that we were in error, trying to wallow in
television could only bring us
grief, and I think we had a Divine
Warning, from now on, it's live performance only, or possibly a
CD? no, there I go again, oh Hermengilda, maybe I should be playing
trombone and you should be leading, really, girls, chickens
should be above that kind of language, anyway, I
one good thing came out of this, who'll join me at Larry & Mona's for
a Power English Muffin? ..."